Have you ever noticed how, in the middle of an ordinary conversation, your body tenses up as if you're bracing for a fight? No one has raised their voice, no one has challenged you, but still, you’re readying yourself for impact.
Why do we anticipate resistance when none is present?
It’s as if we're instinctively turning every interaction into a tug-of-war, believing that force is the only way forward. Rather than asking for what we need, we armour up.
In reality, we’re often not resisting the other person. We're battling invisible forces—our assumptions, fears, and entrenched patterns—that hijack the interaction before it even starts.
But imagine stepping outside of that automatic response and asking yourself, “Why am I acting like this?” This is the essence of self-awareness.
For decades, psychology has examined the pitfalls of self-awareness. When taken too far, it leads to overthinking, harsh self-criticism, and rumination—a path to suffering and troubled relationships.
But self-awareness has another side. In its healthy form, it’s the foundation for managing our emotions, understanding others, and breaking free from limiting patterns. It grounds us, reminding us of our flaws, limitations, and biases.
And the best part? By deepening our understanding of ourselves, we also become better at seeing things from others' perspectives—this is the root of empathy.
In my workshops, I use a simple but revealing exercise to show how awareness of our behavioral tendencies can reshape our interactions. The recurring “aha” moment comes when participants realise they've been reacting, not responding, and fighting battles that never needed to happen.
Here’s what I aim to do in this post:
I’ll guide you through this exercise. You can try it with a group, a team, or even at home with family (kids often enjoy it!).
I’ll dive into research-backed strategies for self-reflection and increasing self-awareness that avoid the pitfalls of rumination.
The Fist Exercise
Let’s start with the exercise. Here’s how it works:
Ask everyone to pair up, regardless of
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