Are People High in Neuroticism Doomed to be Unhappy
What the personality and wellbeing science about the link between neuroticism and happiness, and tips for working on this trait
Have you ever wondered whether there are parts of your personality you'd like to change? Especially the aspects that don’t serve you well? If so, you're far from alone.
A global study published in 2021 found that more than 60% of people were actively trying to change some aspect of their personality. When asked which of the five major traits—neuroticism, conscientiousness, agreeableness, openness, or extraversion—they most wanted to shift, the top answer was emotional stability. In other words, most people wanted to be less neurotic. And those seeking this sort of change also tended to report lower levels of emotional stability and overall happiness.
That’s not surprising. While neuroticism is sometimes romanticised in popular culture, research paints a different picture and shows that the belief that emotional instability results in a creative genius is a myth. People who score high on neuroticism tend to feel frequent and intense negative emotions, have a low tolerance for distress, persistently worry, ruminate, and experience mood swings. They also often find the world more threatening and feel less equipped to handle life’s challenges.
And here's where it really matters: neuroticism is one of the strongest predictors of lower happiness. In study after study—across decades, countries, and different methods of measurement—people who score higher in neuroticism consistently report lower life satisfaction and wellbeing. In fact, its impact often outweighs that of income, occupation, or even major life events.
So, does being high in neuroticism mean happiness is out of reach?
It’s a fair question, and one that sits right at the crossroads of science and our very human desire for growth.
A large-scale study from Australia, published in 2017, tracked over 10,000 people for three years. It found that neuroticism and extraversion predicted changes in happiness over time more powerfully than major life events such as illness or bereavement. Put simply, people lower in neuroticism tended to feel happier over time.
More recently, a 2023 longitudinal study, from Germany followed a nationally representative sample of adults across 14 years. It found that higher neuroticism consistently predicted lower life satisfaction and higher levels of loneliness. One key factor behind this pattern was social connection. As emotional instability increased, people tended to feel more isolated and less trusting of others. That disconnection, in turn, took a toll on wellbeing.
If you identify with some of these patterns, this might sound discouraging—but it doesn’t have to be.
First, high levels of neuroticism have consistently been linked to for a range of mental health issues, which have the potential to decrease one’s happiness. And due to neuroticism’s association with poor emotion regulation, excessive rumination, chronic stress, and interpersonal difficulties, people high in neuroticism tend to report lower happiness and life satisfaction. But just because people high on neuroticism are less happy than those who score low on neuroticism, it doesn’t mean that they are all “unhappy people”. They may not be unhappy—just comparatively less happy.
First, it's true that neuroticism is linked to an increased risk for mental health struggles and lower happiness. But that doesn’t mean everyone high in neuroticism is unhappy. It just means, on average, they may face more emotional challenges.
And second, assuming that high neuroticism locks you into a lifetime of struggle misses something important about both personality and human potential: our capacity for change. Yes, personality traits like neuroticism are relatively stable, and yes, it’s a highly heritable trait—about 40% to 50%. of it can be traced to genetics. But “stable” doesn’t mean fixed. Humans are remarkably adaptable. We learn new habits, reshape emotional responses, and revise how we engage with the world, especially when old patterns stop serving us.
And it’s worth clarifying: neuroticism as a personality trait isn’t a clinical disorder, nor is it the same as the outdated term “neurosis.” It’s a personality dimension: a tendency toward certain emotional patterns. People with high levels of neuroticism might be prone to develop certain clinical conditions, but as a trait neuroticism isn’t inherently bad. What matters is how it affects your quality of life.
Growth here isn’t about chasing an ideal personality, but about working on the vulnerabilities (for instance, understanding the reasons for being vulnerable to depression) and building a greater adaptability and sense of emotional balance.
Despite its relative stability, personality does change, especially as we get older. In a longitudinal study published in 2016, researchers followed participants from age 14 to 77. The findings revealed surprisingly little correlation between personality traits measured in adolescence and those measured more than six decades later. The researchers concluded that long-term stability of personality is actually quite low. Other studies supported these findings.
How and when personality changes depends on many things. One is where you begin. People who start with higher levels of neuroticism tend to change less spontaneously than those who score lower. Context also matters: supportive environments, healthy and stable relationships, and major life transitions all influence the direction and degree of change.
So how exactly does neuroticism change?
Traits like neuroticism are not fixed character flaws. They are dynamic patterns shaped by habits, experiences, and beliefs. And these patterns are open to gradual, intentional reshaping. With effort, people can reduce chronic worry, become less emotionally reactive, and build psychological resilience. These changes tend to be gradual, not dramatic. But even modest shifts can lead to outsized benefits in how we feel and function.
There are many interventions to support these shifts. Some focus on reducing symptoms commonly linked with neuroticism, like anxiety and depression. Others target the thinking patterns behind emotional instability, such as overthinking or rumination. Still others emphasise building emotional regulation and distress tolerance skills.
Psychotherapy, in particular, has shown to be a valuable process for supporting personality change. Through the therapeutic relationship, you develop greater comfort with distress, learn to tolerate discomfort more effectively, and become more psychologically flexible in the face of uncertainty and distressing life events. Over time, these shifts accumulate, gradually reshaping some of the patterns that define neuroticism.
A landmark study published in 2017 pulled together data from more than 207 psychotherapy studies conducted between 1959 and 2013, encompassing over 20,000 participants. These trials included before-and-after measures of personality traits, allowing researchers to examine how therapy might influence enduring patterns like neuroticism. Even relatively short periods of therapy led to significant and lasting personality change. The most consistent effect was a reduction in neuroticism, followed by increases in traits like extraversion. On average, the reductions in neuroticism from therapy were about half the size of the typical decline seen over the course of a person’s entire adult life. The type of therapy used did not significantly influence outcomes.
If you’re finding anxiety, stress, emotional reactivity, or impulsivity hard to manage, it’s worth considering professional support.
And there’s another pathway that’s often underestimated: relationships. As a clinician, I’ve seen again and again how much people grow through connection. We change and evolve through relationships. Supportive, trusting relationships—even imperfect ones—can foster real personality change. Research backs this up. Longitudinal studies have found that life transitions, like starting a romantic relationship or a new job, often coincide with personality shifts. For example, young adults entering their first serious relationships tend to become more emotionally stable. Through closeness and attachment, we learn to regulate emotion, expand our self-understanding, and become more secure. These experiences can slowly chip away at the anxiety, mood swings, and self-consciousness that define neuroticism.
Neuroticism isn’t a flaw; it’s a personality trait, with both strengths and challenges. While some of its patterns can be difficult to live with, others may have once served a purpose. If certain aspects no longer feel helpful, it’s completely reasonable to want to make a change. At the same time, it’s important to keep expectations grounded. Believing in the possibility of change is essential, but so are patience and consistency. Personality shifts usually happen gradually, and it’s often the steady changes that bring the most lasting impact.
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Read on for some thoughts and tips drawn from both my professional work and personal experience on how to flex the trait of neuroticism. I’m also sharing 6 book recommendations that explore personality and how it can change, along with practical guidance for building skills like distress tolerance, managing uncertainty, and becoming more flexible in how we think and respond.