This is terrific, Selda! I love the way you unpack some of these reframe questions. I may use some of them with my own clients. 😬
This reminds me of why IFS and parts work can feel so useful - I find that when we identify symptoms or diagnoses as parts vs identities, the unblending that occurs feels so liberating. Empowering even. Eg, the part of me who feels depressed, the part of me who struggles with adhd. It’s a language shift that actually has an internal, felt response - similar to what to what you share here.
"“You don’t know how to do it well—yet,” he explained. “You’re not great at asking questions—yet.”
The best mentors enable their apprentices to maintain hope even as they suffer with the gap between their professional aspirations and their rudimentary level of skill. Glad you had such a one, Selda.
This is a wonderful essay overall. Really illuminates the power of thought/language to frame our experience in helpful and harmful ways.
Thank you, Baird! Yes, I suppose I was lucky in that sense. We could all do better at sparking hope and empowerment, both around us and within ourselves.
Thank you, Selda, for this wonderful reminder that language shapes our reality! I think it's a key component of healing - giving ourselves grace and observing our experiences rather than judging them. I also wonder if this was our default response to life before the environment shaped us.
Very sensible piece, Good Doctor. I suspect that most of us are not going to use either the positive or negative self pep talk all the time, but the more stressful the situation or the higher the stakes, the more likely we are to go the negative route. Like any harmful habit, it will take a lot of time and awareness of what we’re choosing to do to ourselves in order to overcome the tendency to label ourselves, and break free from the negative labels we hang on ourselves. I bowl twice a month, and the next time I’m confronted with a difficult spare I’m going to remind myself of all the times I’ve made it, instead of focusing on how hard it is. I think “Get greedy here, Concepcion,” would be a good thing to tell myself when I’m lining up for the shot.
Thank you for writing this Selda, very inspiring stories. It doesn’t help that everyone’s experience of anxiety and depression are so unique that it compels me to call it my depression, or my anxiety.
This is terrific, Selda! I love the way you unpack some of these reframe questions. I may use some of them with my own clients. 😬
This reminds me of why IFS and parts work can feel so useful - I find that when we identify symptoms or diagnoses as parts vs identities, the unblending that occurs feels so liberating. Empowering even. Eg, the part of me who feels depressed, the part of me who struggles with adhd. It’s a language shift that actually has an internal, felt response - similar to what to what you share here.
Thanks for your wonderful work!
Thanks, Bridget. "The part of me" - yes to this! So powerful.
"“You don’t know how to do it well—yet,” he explained. “You’re not great at asking questions—yet.”
The best mentors enable their apprentices to maintain hope even as they suffer with the gap between their professional aspirations and their rudimentary level of skill. Glad you had such a one, Selda.
This is a wonderful essay overall. Really illuminates the power of thought/language to frame our experience in helpful and harmful ways.
Thank you, Baird! Yes, I suppose I was lucky in that sense. We could all do better at sparking hope and empowerment, both around us and within ourselves.
Thank you, Selda, for this wonderful reminder that language shapes our reality! I think it's a key component of healing - giving ourselves grace and observing our experiences rather than judging them. I also wonder if this was our default response to life before the environment shaped us.
Thank you, MJ. You might be right. Perhaps it was indeed our default response. Then it might be good to get it back :)
Very sensible piece, Good Doctor. I suspect that most of us are not going to use either the positive or negative self pep talk all the time, but the more stressful the situation or the higher the stakes, the more likely we are to go the negative route. Like any harmful habit, it will take a lot of time and awareness of what we’re choosing to do to ourselves in order to overcome the tendency to label ourselves, and break free from the negative labels we hang on ourselves. I bowl twice a month, and the next time I’m confronted with a difficult spare I’m going to remind myself of all the times I’ve made it, instead of focusing on how hard it is. I think “Get greedy here, Concepcion,” would be a good thing to tell myself when I’m lining up for the shot.
Such beautiful, transformative work, as always! Terrific post, Selda.
Thank you, Yael. Much appreciated.
Thank you for writing this Selda, very inspiring stories. It doesn’t help that everyone’s experience of anxiety and depression are so unique that it compels me to call it my depression, or my anxiety.