Why self-love isn't necessary to love others

Exploring a pop psychology myth

Ever been told you must love yourself before you can truly love others?

Or that you need to accept yourself first before you can show acceptance toward others?

You know, those feel-good, self-help mantras that are supposed to unlock the secret to all things love and connection?

(And let’s not forget the close cousins like being kind or compassionate to yourself before extending it to others.) 

These sayings, usually offered with the best of intentions, are aimed to empower us by making self-love, self-acceptance, and self-kindness sound like prerequisites to offering love and compassion to others. But while these notions might seem like pearls of wisdom at first, they oversimplify the deeply complex and reciprocal nature of human connection and the development of our sense of self.