Beautifully articulated Selda. I think complaining was a tool of connection for me for a long time - a bid to feel seen and cared about as you say. So useful to reflect on (and own) these patterns.
Thanks reading, Vicki! I think such patterns are more common than we think and they shouldn’t be framed as problem behaviours until we understand the motives and needs behind them.
“I’d rather have you angry with me than ignore me completely" is such a good way to put it. I don't think we always realize when we're thinking like this, but I definitely think that the tendency to get really fixated on your perception of someone else being upset with you can often stem from enjoying that feeling of having their attention, even if it's not at a conscious level.
I have read so many psychology books, but this is a missing piece. Why more psychologists don't explain to patients. The explanation, definition and mechanism itself - healing and regulation.
Thank you, Marbella. I guess there is limited research on this topic and what I have shared here is a perspective based more on my experience as a therapist than researcher. But I have found that this is a refreshing approach to the topic. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!
Thanks for sharing. I don’t agree with you that psychology is not a science. And that the mind is not real. That’s why I cannot answer your question ‘how can one judge what is personal when the mind is real?’ properly. There is so many unknowns in behavioural sciences but it doesn’t mean we’re not capable of understanding certain processes.
Thoroughly love this. Some lines are news for me especially the past of seeking validation even if we feel hurt. Thanks for sharing this.
Beautifully articulated Selda. I think complaining was a tool of connection for me for a long time - a bid to feel seen and cared about as you say. So useful to reflect on (and own) these patterns.
Thanks reading, Vicki! I think such patterns are more common than we think and they shouldn’t be framed as problem behaviours until we understand the motives and needs behind them.
Resonates a lot with me
“I’d rather have you angry with me than ignore me completely" is such a good way to put it. I don't think we always realize when we're thinking like this, but I definitely think that the tendency to get really fixated on your perception of someone else being upset with you can often stem from enjoying that feeling of having their attention, even if it's not at a conscious level.
Excellent analysis and great rx. I’m working on it!
Thanks, Micaela!
I really enjoyed reading this. I think I will re-read it to make some notes. So many important points.
Thanks, Liza!
I have read so many psychology books, but this is a missing piece. Why more psychologists don't explain to patients. The explanation, definition and mechanism itself - healing and regulation.
Thank you, Marbella. I guess there is limited research on this topic and what I have shared here is a perspective based more on my experience as a therapist than researcher. But I have found that this is a refreshing approach to the topic. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!
How can one judge from the outside what is personal when the mind is not real?:
https://federicosotodelalba.substack.com/p/beauty?r=4up0lp
Hi Federico. What do you mean by ‘the mind is not real’?
Oh!, in an informal logic narrative my take on that:
https://federicosotodelalba.substack.com/p/beauty?r=4up0lp
Thanks for sharing. I don’t agree with you that psychology is not a science. And that the mind is not real. That’s why I cannot answer your question ‘how can one judge what is personal when the mind is real?’ properly. There is so many unknowns in behavioural sciences but it doesn’t mean we’re not capable of understanding certain processes.