The Opposite of Worry

And how to live with life's uncertainty

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the opposite worry. Is it comfort? Relaxation? Happiness?

It’s probably not a groundbreaking insight, but after some reflection, I’ve come to realise that the opposite of worry isn't necessarily about satisfaction or relief. Instead, it's having a present awareness with a light touch on both the past and the future. Let me explain.

We’re undeniably strange creatures. We worry over massive issues—wars, disasters, illnesses—but also obsess over the tiniest details: Will my guests like the playlist? Will anyone at work notice the missing button on my coat? It’s as if our minds have an unlimited capacity for concern, no matter the scale.

Worry is the process of anticipating future events or situations that we fear might turn out negatively. When it’s intense, it's often accompanied by a stream of 'what if' thoughts: What if I fail the test? What if people don’t like my dress? What if I forget to take the bin out?

So, worry is a future-oriented form of anxiety, where the focus is typically on events that might not even happen. It’s like a soft hum in the background of our lives—occasionally rising into an overwhelming noise or fading into a whisper.

Ironically, most of what we worry about never happens. Mark Twain captured this perfectly: “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” Research supports this. In one study, participants prone to excessive worrying recorded their fears over ten days. A month later, researchers found that 91.4% of their worries had not materialised. For many, none of their worries came true. Even when the worry did come true, 30% of the worries were better than expected.

Yet, we know quite well that worrying rarely helps. In another study, participants were asked to list ways in which worrying affected their lives. As for the negative consequences of worrying, participants reported that worry hindered performance, made a problem seem worse than it is, and was emotionally unpleasant.

Still, knowing worry can be unhelpful and figuring out how to handle it are two very different things. To untangle ourselves from the grip of worry, we first need to understand it a little better.

Here are 9 insights and perspectives that might shift the way you think about worry—and, perhaps, help you make peace with it. Yes, I’m suggesting making peace with it, not trying to stop it altogether. After all, you wouldn’t want to be someone who never worries about anything.

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Avoid overpathologising worry.

First, let’s stop vilifying worry. It’s not inherently bad. Worry is your brain’s alarm system, trying—however clumsily—to keep you safe. It can prompt action, like double-checking important details, being vigilant about your health, or budgeting more carefully. Worry about a job interview might motivate you to rehearse. When worries point to something actionable—a problem to solve or a danger to address—they are productive. In that sense, everyday worry isn’t a flaw, weakness, or a problem to fix. It can be a tool—but only if used sparingly and purposefully, like a match to light a fire, not a flame that consumes everything in its path.

Worry helps us cope with uncertainty.

While we’ve been conditioned to see worry as purely negative, it actually serves a deeper function—helping us cope with the uncertainty that life inevitably brings. We crave predictability and certainty, and worry is one way we attempt to manage the discomfort of life's messiness. There is a strong connection between worry and an intolerance of uncertainty. This relationship is cyclical: people with higher intolerance of uncertainty tend to worry more, and chronic worriers have significantly lower tolerance for uncertainty. That’s why the question isn’t “How do I stop worrying or overthinking?” Instead, it’s, “How can I better handle uncertainty?” Rather than aiming to eliminate worry entirely, focus on building your ability to stay grounded in uncertain situations and increasing your capacity to tolerate discomfort.

Habitually suppressing worries is ineffective.

One common strategy when we experience an unpleasant or troubling thought and feeling is to push them away. Worry often gets caught up in this cycle of suppression and avoidance too. While this may provide temporary relief, over-relying on it usually backfires. What often weighs us down isn’t the worry itself but our refusal to acknowledge it. When ignored or suppressed, worry lingers and grows louder, demanding attention. Simply letting it be heard won’t make it magically disappear, but it reduces its grip and power over you.

Think of worries as an attention-seeking child.

Suppressing worries may seem like a quick fix, but what if we tried something different? Imagine worries as persistent children craving your attention. Worries, like children, can be persistent and demanding. If you ignore a child’s cries entirely, they may scream louder, feeling unheard and unsafe. On the flip side, indulging every cry can lead to chaos and dependence. Similarly, when worries arise, the goal isn’t to silence them completely or let them take over but to meet them with balanced attention. For example, if you’re worried about an upcoming meeting, acknowledge the anxiety: “I hear you’re scared about presenting tomorrow. Let’s prepare a little more and then rest.” This approach validates the worry without letting it dictate your actions.

Identify whether a worry is productive.

Not all worries are created equal. Learning to distinguish between them is a game-changer. Productive worries lead to actionable solutions—like setting an earlier alarm to avoid missing a flight. Unproductive worries, however, dwell on the distant future, low-probability outcomes, or situations beyond your control. A simple test is to ask: Can I do something about this worry right now? If the answer is yes, act. If not, remind yourself that ruminating won’t change the outcome.

Acceptance brings relief.

Sitting with uncertainty, discomfort, and worry is hard, but acceptance can bring relief. Some things will always remain outside your control, no matter how hard you try. Making peace with uncertainty allows you to stop exhausting yourself by resisting it. Remember these lines from Star Trek: Discovery character Michael Burnham: “It can be very uncomfortable to accept the truth that some things are beyond our control. But we have to. Otherwise, we run into the same walls over and over again. Or we freeze. Either way, we don’t move forward.”

Certainty is an illusion.

We often cling to the belief that certainty equals safety, but life’s unpredictability proves otherwise. Even the most carefully laid plans can be derailed by unforeseen events. Chasing certainty and full security is like holding your breath to feel safe—you’ll eventually gasp for air. The future isn’t here yet; it exists only in your assumptions, predictions, and expectations. While planning and preparing can be useful, knowing your limits is equally important. When you catch yourself spiralling into worry about the future, pause and ask: What matters most in this moment?

Approach uncertainty with playfulness.

Since certainty is an illusion, we can take a lighter approach to the unpredictable. Think of uncertainty as a game where the rules keep changing. Instead of stressing about every twist, ask yourself, What’s the most unexpected or funny way this could turn out? Humour lets us step back from the weight of "what-ifs" and see the absurdity in situations. By injecting a bit of levity, you create mental space to think clearly and problem-solve. Approaching uncertainty with humour doesn’t make the unknown less uncertain, but it does makes it less intimidating to face. And when you're less scared, you’re more likely to take perspective and face risks.

Trust your capacity.

Even when the worst happens, we often cope better than we expect. Resilience builds as we learn to trust our ability to handle life’s challenges. What trips us up is scaring ourselves with imagined failures or disasters. Life isn’t perfect—and neither are we. The real challenge isn’t avoiding mistakes but learning to pick ourselves up, clean up the mess, and keep moving forward. Letting every little worry take over will leave you drained. Face challenges with courage as they come, but give yourself a break in the meantime.

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Speaking of playfulness, here's an oversimplified yet fun way to approach a problem, uncertainty, or whatever may be worrying you.

While things are rarely that simple and not worrying is often easier said than done, this figure highlights an important truth: While worry can be adaptive in certain situations, in many aspects of life, it proves to be futile.

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So, go ahead and learn not just to accept uncertainty, but to enjoy it. See insecurity as an essential part of life. And take a moment to consider poet Rainer Maria Rilke’s beautiful perspective on uncertainty and living with questions:

I want to beg you, as much as I can, dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

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These insights remind us that the opposite of worry isn’t about finding certainty, having all the answers, predicting every outcome, or even feeling happy. It’s about taking action where we can, showing up with awareness, letting go of the need to control everything, and embracing the messiness and unpredictability of life. And that means leaving room for discomfort. Because, in the end, it’s not the worrying itself that holds us back—it’s the belief that we need to have it all figured out and the inability to tolerate uncertainty.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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