The Problem with Self-Improvement
Rethinking personal growth in 2025
The first day of the year often brings a mix of emotions. We look back on the experienced we’ve had and imagine what might come next. Many of us wake up thinking about promises we’ve made to ourselves—this year, we’ll grow, change, improve, and maybe finally “get it right.”
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on what it really means to grow. I can’t help but wonder if the way we approach personal growth these days might actually work against us. Today feels like the perfect moment to share some of those thoughts with you.
Growth isn’t a new idea. For the ancient Greeks, especially Aristotle, it was the foundation of living a good life. Aristotle’s concept of eudaimonia—often translated as flourishing—was about living in harmony with your highest virtues. Similarly, Confucius' theory of self-cultivation emphasises that individuals must actively engage in their personal growth through continuous learning, reflection, and the practice of virtuous behaviour.
Across cultures and throughout history, the idea of understanding ourselves and growing as people has always been at the heart of being human. But over the years, the meaning of growth shifted. What started as a noble and natural drive has been rebranded into “self-improvement.” Growth these days is often reduced to things we can measure, like how confident we are, how successful we are at work, or whether we’ve hit our fitness goals. These things matter, of course, but they don’t capture the depth of what it means to be human.
The self-help industry thrives on this reduced, narrower version of growth, turning it into a product, making billions each year selling us ways to be “better.” A recent analysis reports that self-improvement market, filled with wellness and health programmes, was estimated to be valued at $41.2 billion in 2023 and is projected to reach $81.6 billion by 2032.
Bookstores are packed with quick-fix promises, social media floods us with motivational quotes sandwiched between cat videos, and workshops promise to transform our lives in a few hours. What used to require patience and reflection now feels like it’s been turned into a flashy sales pitch.
So what did go wrong?
One of the most appealing ideas the industry sells is “potential.” The concept is not an inherently bad one. In fact, humanistic psychologists such as Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers discussed the importance of realising and fulfilling one’s potential. Contemporary wellbeing models, such as Carol Ryff’s psychological wellbeing model, conceptualise personal growth as self-actualisation and fulfilling one’s unique potential. But the term has been turned into something we feel we’re constantly chasing. “Potential” now gets used to sell us the idea that we can have it all, but only if we keep acquiring more—more skills, more knowledge.
The real meaning of potential is much more grounded. It’s not about trying to become some idealised version of ourselves. It’s about identifying our unique strengths and aspirations and nurturing them under the right conditions. True potential isn’t about limitless power, but what really matters to us.
And while the idea that we can “become anything” is inspiring to some people, it carries message that we need to fix ourselves. That we’re incomplete.
We, then, become the victim of an endless cycle of trying to improve, convinced that if we could just lose the weight, land the job, or feel more confident, then we’d finally be lovable or worthy. We end up treating ourselves like never-ending DIY projects, always trying to correct what we see as weaknesses to reach some sort of standard.
I strongly believe that it’s natural to notice our flaws or want to improve certain parts of ourselves. People who avoid self-reflection or growth often end up stuck, or worse, they might hurt those around them. But there’s a fine line between meaningful growth and chasing an impossible ideal. It’s one thing to want to grow because it brings meaning to your life. It’s another thing entirely to see growth as a way to correct or complete yourself or become the perfect version of who you think you “should” be.
Focusing too much on this ideal risks dismissing our current selves as unworthy. Growth then stops being about real, meaningful change and becomes a never-ending race to hit the next milestone—a race to finally feel lovable or acceptable. Instead of pursuing our true aspirations, we end up feeling ashamed of who we are and buy into the notion that we need to become some idealised version of ourselves to be worthy.
Growth can enrich our lives, strengthen our relationships, and help us learn from our mistakes. Wanting to be a better friend, parent, or partner is a beautiful goal. But when the drive to improve comes from a place of self-rejection, it’s less about growing and more about trying to escape who we are.
It’s no wonder the constant push for self-improvement can leave us feeling drained. I’ve seen so many people around me—friends, colleagues, and clients—fuel themselves with self-criticism while forgetting to rest or show themselves compassion. And when we overlook our basic human needs, it’s easy to end up burned out and disappointed. Over time, guilt and feelings of inadequacy creep in. What should be a personal experience turns into a competition—comparing our morning routines, reading lists, or goals to everyone else’s.
We tend to forget that growth doesn’t need to be a constant endeavour. There are seasons for everything, including growth. Some moments call for rest, stability, or simply enjoying the life we’ve already built. And that’s okay—necessary, even. Not every book needs to transform us, not every podcast has to teach us a lesson, and not every activity needs to “count” toward self-improvement. Sometimes, it’s enough to read for pleasure, listen for fun, or try something new just because it broadens our world a little.
And true personal growth is as unique as we are. Your path won’t look like mine. We need to stop equating growth with measuring up to someone else’s standards or hitting society’s version of success, and start thinking about it as aligning with what truly matters to is. When we turn growth into a contest, we strip it of its meaning and depth.
So, in this first day of 2025, I invite you to rethink what growth really means. To me, real growth is so much richer than what the self-improvement industry sells us. It’s more genuine, honest, and vulnerable. It starts with accepting our flaws, not hiding from them. It appreciates our limitations and doesn’t buy into the idea of becoming an idealised version. True growth is about meeting ourselves where we are, with curiosity, instead of shame or judgment.
It’s possible to want to be better—whether as a parent, friend, or professional—while still valuing who you are today. We can learn, develop, and grow without rejecting our current selves. In fact, self-acceptance often makes growth easier. When we stop trying to prove our worth, we free ourselves to grow in meaningful ways. It’s like having a wise mentor or a loving parent inside us—someone who sees our flaws and still offers kindness and encouragement (and even challenge), helping us meet our needs in healthier ways.
Carl Rogers, the founder of person-centred therapy, had it right when he said that self-acceptance is at the heart of growth. An accepting attitude towards ourselves nurtures a supportive environment for self-exploration and allows us to connect with our true selves.
And research backs this up. Experimental studies on self-compassion show that being kind to ourselves in the face of flaws, weaknesses, or mistakes doesn’t make us lazy or complacent. Instead, it boosts our motivation to grow and improve—without sapping our energy or stealing our joy along the way.
We need to acknowledge the harm we do by constantly searching for flaws in ourselves to fix. True psychological maturity lies in having the courage to tolerate the discomfort of our messiness. The idea of correcting or replacing ourselves is a trap. Instead, I choose to step into a version of growth that’s genuine, personal, and not bound by the pressure of speed or linearity.
I’m curious, how do you approach personal growth? Please feel free to share your comments.
It has taken me a lifetime to get to self acceptance. I am 70 years old and carry a lot of negative self talk, inspite of therapy, journalling and following the self improvement gurus. I realise I need to trust myself.
Thank you for your words and this is the path I'm on after decades of feeling I needed to improve. I wrote yesterday that my goal is self acceptance, not self improvement and that means being aware when I start to abandon myself as I have done in the past. Wishing you good health and happiness for 2025..Karen