Thanks for writing this. It makes me reflect on my decision to stop drinking alcohol and the huge effects that had on certain relationships. I was no longer 'Up for banter,' which was just put down humour, and I wondered would my longest friendship survive what I hoped was more than just getting pissed together. Thankfully after three years, things have found their groove again. You've inspired me to write a much needed' Not drinking and the holidays 'post 😉
Thank you for this 🙏🏻 I have recently separated from my husband - instigated by him - and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s partly because I had evolved so much that he couldn’t keep up. It was emasculating for him, and my resistance to being my old self was distressing and putting pressure on us. Rather than me cutting the connection, though, it was him who cut it; I think I was clinging on for dear life, out of fear. The curious thing is, he is now engaging in therapy and attending a mental health support group… things he never did in 20 years of us being together. Things that he actively avoided and derided me for! It seems we needed to come apart to grow. We are amicable, and I’m proud of the choices he’s making. Personal growth is such a curious thing, isn’t it?
Thank you for sharing this, Katie. It is, indeed, a curious thing. Sometimes both partners grow and evolve together, other times the connection fades and we have to come to terms with the outcome.
It’s really nice that you still appreciate him and his attempts to grow.
My wife has had a lot of health problems throughout the year, and she’s always been a very independent and hard working person. It’s been hard for her to ask for help with tasks large and small, and the fact that she’s been pushing herself and putting herself at risk for falling has been very stressful for me. I know this is more about her decline in mobility and my resultant anxiety, instead of the specific subject of your post, but whereas things have gone smoothly for more than forty years it’s hard for me to be with her every moment. We’re deeply in love and we’re both trying to figure this out and adjust to it going forward.
Thank you, Good Doctor. I always appreciate your posts and your thoughtful replies. I have hope that the neurosurgeon she’s seen in the past will be able to help her, and over the years I’ve seen so much courage and determination from my wife to believe that her condition will improve. She’s been wheelchair bound for over twelve years and the things she does around the house are amazing. I believe that whatever her prognosis we will continue to love and support each other and to make the best of the situation. We will both have to recast our ways of thinking about this, but we’ll be able to make the necessary changes. We don’t just toss away forty-three years of sharing all life’s ups and downs because of our new circumstances. We honor our wedding vows and adapt to our new reality. Thanks again for addressing my comments even though they don’t always reflect the exact subject of your post. Have a great holiday season and may you continue to prosper and grow as you continue to write your thoughtful, helpful articles!
I really enjoyed reading this piece and relate a lot as someone who has done a lot of inner work and growth and have found it difficult to maintain friendships now where we have run out of things to say because our paths parents aligned anymore. Thank you for writing.
Always so many useful insights, Selda!
Thank you, Liza! I'm glad you found it useful.
Read every word. So relevant for me right now.
This is so important. And well presented!
Thanks, Gregory!
So relatable, thank you
Hi Cecilia! Thanks for reading and your comment. Good to hear that it resonated with you.
Thanks for writing this. It makes me reflect on my decision to stop drinking alcohol and the huge effects that had on certain relationships. I was no longer 'Up for banter,' which was just put down humour, and I wondered would my longest friendship survive what I hoped was more than just getting pissed together. Thankfully after three years, things have found their groove again. You've inspired me to write a much needed' Not drinking and the holidays 'post 😉
Thank you, Valerie, for sharing your experience. And I'm glad that my post inspired you. Looking forward to your post!
Thank you for this 🙏🏻 I have recently separated from my husband - instigated by him - and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s partly because I had evolved so much that he couldn’t keep up. It was emasculating for him, and my resistance to being my old self was distressing and putting pressure on us. Rather than me cutting the connection, though, it was him who cut it; I think I was clinging on for dear life, out of fear. The curious thing is, he is now engaging in therapy and attending a mental health support group… things he never did in 20 years of us being together. Things that he actively avoided and derided me for! It seems we needed to come apart to grow. We are amicable, and I’m proud of the choices he’s making. Personal growth is such a curious thing, isn’t it?
Thank you for sharing this, Katie. It is, indeed, a curious thing. Sometimes both partners grow and evolve together, other times the connection fades and we have to come to terms with the outcome.
It’s really nice that you still appreciate him and his attempts to grow.
My wife has had a lot of health problems throughout the year, and she’s always been a very independent and hard working person. It’s been hard for her to ask for help with tasks large and small, and the fact that she’s been pushing herself and putting herself at risk for falling has been very stressful for me. I know this is more about her decline in mobility and my resultant anxiety, instead of the specific subject of your post, but whereas things have gone smoothly for more than forty years it’s hard for me to be with her every moment. We’re deeply in love and we’re both trying to figure this out and adjust to it going forward.
It sounds like a difficult period, Rafael. I always feel good when you say you're in love. Thanks for sharing this.
Thank you, Good Doctor. I always appreciate your posts and your thoughtful replies. I have hope that the neurosurgeon she’s seen in the past will be able to help her, and over the years I’ve seen so much courage and determination from my wife to believe that her condition will improve. She’s been wheelchair bound for over twelve years and the things she does around the house are amazing. I believe that whatever her prognosis we will continue to love and support each other and to make the best of the situation. We will both have to recast our ways of thinking about this, but we’ll be able to make the necessary changes. We don’t just toss away forty-three years of sharing all life’s ups and downs because of our new circumstances. We honor our wedding vows and adapt to our new reality. Thanks again for addressing my comments even though they don’t always reflect the exact subject of your post. Have a great holiday season and may you continue to prosper and grow as you continue to write your thoughtful, helpful articles!
Thanks, Rafael!
I really enjoyed reading this piece and relate a lot as someone who has done a lot of inner work and growth and have found it difficult to maintain friendships now where we have run out of things to say because our paths parents aligned anymore. Thank you for writing.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Tara! It’s really nice to hear you enjoyed it and found it relatable.
There’s so much wisdom, understanding and empathy in this one piece alone, I loved it and I know I’ll be returning to this often, thank you so much!
Hi Saloni, thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you liked it and found it useful!
What a brilliantly written piece of work. Very relatable.
Thank you, Florence. Nice to hear that it resonated!