"The core purpose of psychotherapy isn’t alleviating symptoms—it’s helping clients change something within themselves that contributes to their suffering. Therapy is not just about building “self-esteem” but about identifying the internal barriers that prevent a sense of self-worth. It doesn’t simply aim to “fix” anxiety; rather, it helps uncover and address the underlying patterns, thoughts, and emotional dynamics that make a person experience anxiety. It’s not just about "healing trauma" but about understanding how past experiences continue to shape present behaviours, emotions, and relationships."
This was my experience. I was able to stop therapy once I had the tools to continue healing on my own, and then start again when I needed to add more tools to my toolbox. Right now I'm in a place where I think I need to add extra help so I am planning to resume therapy soon.
This was incredibly validating to read. I definitely see the pattern of people looking for a "quick fix" and becoming quickly discouraged when change doesn't happen instantly. Which makes me start questioning myself and my ability to "do therapy." But when I take a step back and look at the clients who are willing to do the deeper work in therapy beyond just building "skills", I see that growth and change really do happen. Thank you for sharing these thoughts 🤎
Thank you, Deanna. I think it’s good to question ourselves from time time, and having a learner’s mindset along with humility, but of course not every case of clients’ dissatisfaction is about us.
Yes, the cultural trend for quick fixes has harmed the field, but it’s not only because of the public but also the field itself including the trainings and some modalities. It’s worth looking at the whole picture. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Outstanding piece. And all true. I’m a coach and see the same issues ie expectations of ‘just tell me what to do and it’s not my fault’. I’m not that kind of coach. I don’t do learned helplessness.
Excellent piece, Good Doctor, written with the blend of compassion and hard truth that is the hallmark of your essays. Thanks for your hard work and taking the time to share your thoughts and experience!
This was validating to read, thank you for putting this piece together. It can get discouraging at times to see "popular healers/therapists/etc" go viral etc, but this is the work and real transformation can't be reduced to what's trending or popular. You were able to put into words a lot of feelings I am sure many of us have, thank you!
I am fortunate to have a wonderful therapist who challenges me and supports me when i most need it. Not to tell me everything I do is wonderful, but to say "give yourself some grace" when I'm too hard on myself. Therapy can be difficult, but is so worth it. I appreciate the points made in this article so i can share them with my daughter, who says therapy doesn't work-to show how having the right therapist can make all thr difference.
Excellent essay Selda! 👏 Most patients and many therapists have always had a very limited understanding of what good therapy consists of. The social media vortex only exacerbates and validates many of the mistaken notions about this very complex process.
I’ve been on the receiving end of psychological services like like and it quickly devolved into psychological abuse while being told it gets worse before it gets better. I believe in the tools of therapy, but putting them in the hands of unskilled individuals that graduate from for profit institutions, is scary. Then add the tech industry. Oof.
In Canada, the problem is that I'm publicly funded as a psychiatrist, so people come to me first since they don't have to pay out of pocket. This unfortunately reinforces the reduction of psychotherapy to a specific modality for symptom alleviation, because I'm recommending it like I am a medication. Meanwhile, as time goes on and I reflect on my experiences, I realize that people should be turning to psychologists first, and then after delving into their fears and exposing their barriers, some may discover that there are psychopathologies that may warrant pharmacological treatment.
Yes, unfortunately I have experienced many poorly trained and selfish therapists in the past 5 years. Therapists who are looking at their phones while I am speaking about some painful experience. It’s the lack of listening and lack of curiosity that stands out. And as you mentioned, many are simply repeating common therapy-speak tropes and trying to alleviate symptoms rather than get to the root of the problem.
For example, I have trouble falling asleep at night because of anxiety. Instead of exploring the root causes of that anxiety, therapists will just give me a list of things to do at night to relax, like read a book. Yes, a therapist told me that. Zero questions about the deeper world I inhabit.
It’s a real shame. I’ve walked away from therapy after having 4-5 therapists in a row act like this. All were young and seemed fairly new. I honestly felt like I knew more about psychotherapy than they did because of all the reading I’ve done.
I’ve taken to reading books about psychology and CBT to help myself. I can’t trust therapists to provide assistance to me anymore.
So many good points. As a psychologist for over 40 years, I see the widespread myths about therapy and the rush to offer advice rather than encourage exploration. Thanks for sharing this.
This piece is terrific and so important. We can’t grow without our own ideas being challenged. We must get back to a place where we don’t see the discomfort required for growth as “toxic” or unhealthy.
"The core purpose of psychotherapy isn’t alleviating symptoms—it’s helping clients change something within themselves that contributes to their suffering. Therapy is not just about building “self-esteem” but about identifying the internal barriers that prevent a sense of self-worth. It doesn’t simply aim to “fix” anxiety; rather, it helps uncover and address the underlying patterns, thoughts, and emotional dynamics that make a person experience anxiety. It’s not just about "healing trauma" but about understanding how past experiences continue to shape present behaviours, emotions, and relationships."
This was my experience. I was able to stop therapy once I had the tools to continue healing on my own, and then start again when I needed to add more tools to my toolbox. Right now I'm in a place where I think I need to add extra help so I am planning to resume therapy soon.
This was incredibly validating to read. I definitely see the pattern of people looking for a "quick fix" and becoming quickly discouraged when change doesn't happen instantly. Which makes me start questioning myself and my ability to "do therapy." But when I take a step back and look at the clients who are willing to do the deeper work in therapy beyond just building "skills", I see that growth and change really do happen. Thank you for sharing these thoughts 🤎
Thank you, Deanna. I think it’s good to question ourselves from time time, and having a learner’s mindset along with humility, but of course not every case of clients’ dissatisfaction is about us.
Yes, the cultural trend for quick fixes has harmed the field, but it’s not only because of the public but also the field itself including the trainings and some modalities. It’s worth looking at the whole picture. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Outstanding piece. And all true. I’m a coach and see the same issues ie expectations of ‘just tell me what to do and it’s not my fault’. I’m not that kind of coach. I don’t do learned helplessness.
Thank you!
Excellent piece, Good Doctor, written with the blend of compassion and hard truth that is the hallmark of your essays. Thanks for your hard work and taking the time to share your thoughts and experience!
Thanks, Rafael!
This was validating to read, thank you for putting this piece together. It can get discouraging at times to see "popular healers/therapists/etc" go viral etc, but this is the work and real transformation can't be reduced to what's trending or popular. You were able to put into words a lot of feelings I am sure many of us have, thank you!
Thank you, Desirèe!
I am fortunate to have a wonderful therapist who challenges me and supports me when i most need it. Not to tell me everything I do is wonderful, but to say "give yourself some grace" when I'm too hard on myself. Therapy can be difficult, but is so worth it. I appreciate the points made in this article so i can share them with my daughter, who says therapy doesn't work-to show how having the right therapist can make all thr difference.
Thank you , Kim. Indeed, it can either help or harm.
Thank you so much for writing this! So many good and important nuggets for both therapists and clients alike.
Excellent essay Selda! 👏 Most patients and many therapists have always had a very limited understanding of what good therapy consists of. The social media vortex only exacerbates and validates many of the mistaken notions about this very complex process.
I’ve been on the receiving end of psychological services like like and it quickly devolved into psychological abuse while being told it gets worse before it gets better. I believe in the tools of therapy, but putting them in the hands of unskilled individuals that graduate from for profit institutions, is scary. Then add the tech industry. Oof.
In Canada, the problem is that I'm publicly funded as a psychiatrist, so people come to me first since they don't have to pay out of pocket. This unfortunately reinforces the reduction of psychotherapy to a specific modality for symptom alleviation, because I'm recommending it like I am a medication. Meanwhile, as time goes on and I reflect on my experiences, I realize that people should be turning to psychologists first, and then after delving into their fears and exposing their barriers, some may discover that there are psychopathologies that may warrant pharmacological treatment.
Yes, unfortunately I have experienced many poorly trained and selfish therapists in the past 5 years. Therapists who are looking at their phones while I am speaking about some painful experience. It’s the lack of listening and lack of curiosity that stands out. And as you mentioned, many are simply repeating common therapy-speak tropes and trying to alleviate symptoms rather than get to the root of the problem.
For example, I have trouble falling asleep at night because of anxiety. Instead of exploring the root causes of that anxiety, therapists will just give me a list of things to do at night to relax, like read a book. Yes, a therapist told me that. Zero questions about the deeper world I inhabit.
It’s a real shame. I’ve walked away from therapy after having 4-5 therapists in a row act like this. All were young and seemed fairly new. I honestly felt like I knew more about psychotherapy than they did because of all the reading I’ve done.
I’ve taken to reading books about psychology and CBT to help myself. I can’t trust therapists to provide assistance to me anymore.
Thanks for all of your insights in this article.
So many good points. As a psychologist for over 40 years, I see the widespread myths about therapy and the rush to offer advice rather than encourage exploration. Thanks for sharing this.
Thank you, Gail!
This was really thought provoking, thank you!
This is a refreshing read and such a good reminder of what therapy is. I agree with you that tech companies are watering down psychotherapy .
Thank you, Sylvia!
This piece is terrific and so important. We can’t grow without our own ideas being challenged. We must get back to a place where we don’t see the discomfort required for growth as “toxic” or unhealthy.
this was massive to read and i’m still processing it…thank you so much for writing this!! 💙🌊